Getting around: The Indian style

India is a country with a population of over two billion and where there exists only one rule to driving: do your best on the road and leave the rest to the insurance company. If you were to compare the traffic rules of UK and India the chances of finding a difference is remote except for the fact that in India they exist only in text books. Driving in India is like playing a video game and if you can manage to reach your destination without causing any scratches on your vehicle, then you win the game. During my first week in UK I was amazed to see the cars all lined up and moving through the left side of the road(only!!). If it were in India, you drive along the left if you have space on the left, else you drive on right or wherever you find space for that matter. Scared? Already? Wait till you hear about the traffic lights. Everywhere around the world, red light signifies to stop your vehicle, green to go and orange to wait. Technically so is it in India, though it is often interpreted as green means to go, Orange means to go and Red means to go faster. If you are wondering whether the traffic police has any say in this, then think no further. They do have a say but then ultimately the drivers decide what they want to do and where they want to go and how they want to achieve this and nobody can stop them. When it comes to honking, the rules are completely different in India. While it means “move out of the way, stupid!” in most of the countries and hence its usage is considered rude and is limited. But in India it could mean a greeting, an acknowledgement, a sign of irritation, a signal of frustration or just another wake up call for the lazy cow crossing the street. And due to its diverse meanings it is used abundantly and may be this is one of the reasons why they say if you can drive in India, then driving anywhere in the world is like a country side cruise.

Here are some hints of survival for anyone visiting India and daring to drive on the roads:

1.       Always carry a stack of books in your car compartments because you are bound to encounter one or two traffic blocks on your way to the destination and which might take hours to clear up.

2.       Never think of stopping at the pedestrian crossing as neither are the people expecting you to nor are the cars speeding behind you.

3.       Do not hesitate to blow your horns whenever or wherever needed.

4.       If you see a triangular shaped vehicle with three wheels( Auto Rickshaws) carrying items that surpasses its weight or school children arranged inside without leaving even tiny bit of space, do not bother to question. They have their own road rules and are licensed to irritate.

5.       Do not overlook the mopeds that run on a teaspoon of petrol. They are slow but they have the most courageous drivers who might rather choose to go under the heavy vehicles to overtake them rather than going around them.

6.        The traffic in India is incomplete without mentioning the heavy trucks. The drivers often consider themselves to be Indian James Bond with the license to kill. At night if you happen to see a single light at above 6 feet from above the ground, it should not be mistaken to be a flying bike. It is one of our trucks with a broken light and a drunk driver.

Having learnt these rules if you think you are qualified to drive in India, then wait till you hear about the head lights. All the vehicles do have headlights(broken or not) and as per the rules they have to be on after 6pm. This simple rule can be read and followed in three different ways: always keep the lights off, to save the battery or always keep them on so that everyone sees you coming or switch them on at high beam suddenly at the vehicle coming opposite and blind them.

Having said all this let me this article on a happy note. Isn’t it surprising that accident rates and related traffic deaths are very low in India when compared to the US and many other European nations?

Happy Birthday Grandma!

The rickety road next to the infamous HMT junction leads to a little pink house- my grandmother’s house. Everything about the house is nostalgic , even the colour, clock and curries. If not for her my vacations would always be incomplete. Even when whole of Kerala complaints of failed crops her backyard boasts of mangoes, bananas and coconuts. Her appams have the most beautiful laces, puttu, the softest and pickles-my constant companion abroad. Rosamma, Shoshamma and Anamma are none other than her hens and rarappan  the lonely husband of the three. A feminist, perfectionist and economist , she will sulk a whole day if you beat her in chess. World has changed, s ways have changed, but she and her ways still remains as same as her grandfather clock . Happy Birthday to my dear grandmother !

Murphy's law -Modified

When my father in law asked me if I have heard of Murphy’s law , I thought  Physics was taking revenge on me for abandoning her after college. “I think I have studied it in school” i tried to bluff and was caught red handed even before I finished the sentence. Perfect! How much more embarrassing can this get?  Murphy’s law is a satirical statement and can simply be stated as

 “If anything can go wrong, it will.” 


Here is a log of the recent happenings in my life and I cannot  find a better  way  to sum it all up.

• I got a job and a good one too. But soon I was told I can join only after 18 months.
• I was renewing my visa and what should have been a pretty easy process  came back to me with a rejection the day before my birthday
• Reached the airport around 3 hours early only to hear the aircraft I was to boart has a tyre puncture and there is a 24 hr delay in flight, followed by panicked calls from relatives and stay over at a strange hotel next to the airport.
• Further 2 hour delay in flight the next day because the inspection is not yet over
• ‘Unidentified luggage’ detected as soon as the flight was boarded.
• Turbulence all the way through the flight
• Landed in Mumbai airport for flight transfer and my next flight is only after 6 hours
• Another stay over at yet another strange hotel and lunch covered in flies
• Arrives in Kerala only to find that my mobile is completely out of charge and no Indian currency in hand
• Tries to apply for medical certificate and fails to get appointment
• Gets the certificate but the photograph is of wrong size
• Submits the visa application and missing biometric card
• 15 days minimum wait and it is going to be a month and no sign for it
• Gets message that processed visa is on its way back. But there is a delay in flight nothing new there, is there?)
• Visa approved but no flights to book as Ramadan is approaching
• Excess luggage detected at airport,panic and luggage trandfer
• Gruelling 2 hours of interview at immigration. Had me peeing in my pants(almost..)
• Accident on M25, had to take a detour home and 3 hours in a taxi
• I was close to mental break down  many times during this. It was definitely a never series of unfortunate incidents and it shook me like hell. Well, that is what Murphy’s law is all about isn’t it? But on the contrary, the whole series  shed a very positive light on my light.

Getting a job in the middle of a world sinking in economic crisis is no joke. And being granted a year to goof around before joining is a miracle. I met my husband at the age of 20 . I married him at 26 and after 6 years of relationship I was beginning to believe there was no spark left in our relationship. After being away for a month and not knowing if I will ever be back with him definitely made our hearts grow fonder. I left my parents  and in laws the day after my marriage. I had one of the most eventful vacation of all times with them. To know the people my husband grew up with, to hear his childhood stories from his mom and to sleep in the room he slept as a child was a different experience. A novice at cooking I learnt the tricks of the trade from my mother in law and shopping with her is always a bliss. Above all I realised life is o joke and it should never be taken granted. It is true my flight got delayed by 24 hours but what of it had taken off on time but discovered the faulty tyres mid air? So what if my visa came late, what if it hadn’t come at all?I hence believe everything happens fr a reason. I would hereby like to modify Murphy’s law as

“If anything can go wrong, it will and it happens for a reason”.

Twenty six and not out!

Its been such a long time that I wrote something solid that words are a blur in my head. "Age is just a number"  I tell myself. Is it? Do I really believe it? Is that why I have refused to think about my birthday this year, is that why I have been really irritable the past one week and is that why the number 26 seems so scary all of a sudden? So right after I wrap my mobile in a freezer bag and chuck it into the oven( absent mindedly of course), I calm myself down with a cuppa and open my small black diary to go over the plan list. For those who don't know me, I always have a plan( and back up plan and back ups for the back up plans as well). Bake a cake( and not from a mix) - check, Wear contacts - check ( Thank you urmi chechi), Go for an  trip- check ( Thank you chandreyee), take a year off to goof around and do anything I like - check( Thank you chacko), start gardening - check( Thank you anonymous landlord). Not bad I think, but can't help cringing at the unchecked , sad members of the list:

1. Learn to make conversation in a crowd
2. Start on my book( I keep changing the subject every month)
3. Learn to filter opinions in head before blurting it out( and thus causing less awkward silences and stares)
4. Stop bringing up random topics to avoid awkward silences mentioned in list member 3.
5. Learn to put on make up( properly, following universally accepted techniques)
6. Learn to hold a baby(mom and relatives, this is not about what you think it is..)
7. Stop speaking English like Malayalam( might be the last one to get crossed off the list)

Daisies...

Sigh…yet another January 13th…I always felt if I could survive this day then what happened the rest of the year never mattered.. the nearest church from here is about 3 miles away and it is only on this day that I ever go there…why, i don’t have anything else to ask the lord.. he took away the soul of my life…but somehow I always have this tiniest hope which keeps me going…

Daisies were never my favourite.. i always loved roses…but today daisies fill my garden…I don’t know.. just the thought of these happy flowers makes me feel am not alone…I took out my poem book from the top shelf.. i have had this for years.. i had the habit of sitting in the cemetery all by myself and writing about anything and everything under the sun.. my favourite place was always by a black granite piece surrounded by daisies.. on it was written Mellissa George- born on 1955…I let her rest in peace while I continued with my writing… “so cemetery must be an awfully good place to write I guess.. so how co operative are they? I mean these ghosts and all…”. For a minute I was even scared to look up to see who was speaking….but I will never forget that first sight of him…its still there in my mind so vivid..so clear..as if it just happened yesterday… I tried to smile..but his eyes were so mesmerising.. I just sat there looking at him like an idiot…”So you are deaf eh? Or is it because you prefer ghosts to humans..just asked because you have been staring at me for quite some time time now…” he said and he laughed…wow..what was he? Was I looking at some greek god?wait a minute..was he laughing at me? How long has I been staring at him? The sudden realisation of this made me blush. I grabbed my bag and some of the papers which were lying around me and walked away in top speed.

“hey!..” I heard him shout.I didn’t look back..i just kept walking away fast..I didn’t dare to go back for a week and then it was Sunday again…I bunked church again and went to my usual spot..back to Mellissa George..I wondered how she must have looked and how she died..i ran my finger over her named carved on the stone…

”so you are back..thought you will never return when I didn’t see you for a week…”
oh..my..not him again…the hypnotizer..pied piper..hmm..what did he want? I looked at the papers in his hand…papers?what?they were mine..i looked at him…
”I didn’t steal it or anything..you left it here…you act awfully dump for a person who writes such excellent poems..”
“why do you care anyway? Just give them back to me..” I blurted out..i could feel that usual blush growing from the back of my neck…i was praying he wouldn’t notice it.
“you are sitting on my mother and you are asking me why do I care?way to go, young lady!”
“Mellissa George is your mother?I am so sorry..i didn’t know..i didn’t mean to sit on her..i mean on her grave…I mean that's my church..you can keep the papers…how is your mother?”…stop talking..stop right now..the voices in my head were shouting in chorus. To my surprise he was laughing.. really laughing..what was he?an angel?God’s most perfect creation?

“don’t get me wrong here..am not laughing at you..its just that your expressions are so comical that I cant help laughing..by the way..am Stephen George”..pause..silence for like 20 seconds..”now will be the time when you say something”..
I smiled..he always made me smile…his witty answers, quick comments and passionate nature…I loved every bit of him…and still do…I wonder if he does too…he used to..i knew that…what would he have said if he saw me dreaming over my old poem collection..his favorite collection…hmmm..

We met every day after that.. every day for a whole summer. I cannot remember another time when I must have enjoyed so much. It was a whole month. He used to love my poems. And ever since I met him they were mostly about him. I couldn’t think of a better subject to write about. He loved daisies, his mom and me….he taught me how to drive, to see things the way it should be seen and many many things I never even knew till then. I have never seen him worry. He never allowed me to. Every day he had something to surprise me with..i loved every moment spent with him..and then it was time for him to go back…may be that was the first time I saw a crease on his forehead….we promised to write and write we did for 3 years.. I never told about him or this relation to anybody..afraid that I might just lose it or just wake up from this very sweet dream…he wrote about everything…the new job he got in the advertising firm, the new bike he bought( we selected the color together..), about talking to his father about me….he told me he will come and take me home with him…he was getting his new home ready…he wanted to surprise me….and then all of a sudden we lost touch…I wrote and wrote and there never came a reply…I waited for 3 whole months and I was literally going crazy….did he forget me? Was this all a dream? Was there somebody else? What do I do? Did I do anything wrong? And then after a couple more months I got a mail from his father…he had found my address from Stephen’s diary…I remember my vision going blurred after reading the mail…I remember waking up in the hospital…I remember crying for a year..lost my job..lost touch with the world…I remember praying not to lose my sanity…I remember going numb in life..i remember colors fading…I remember daisies..his favorites..i remember that summer…his love..

Later I was sent his personal diary and the keys to his unfinished new house…his dream….in it was written a vivid description of his dream he had…his new house, surrounded by daisies, a small bell outside the cottage, with me waiting for him to return…I finished his house, we have the daisies, the bell that nobody has touched so far and here I am waiting…if only he returned..if only he could…
I gave up trying to accept the fact that he is no more. May be no more in this world..but he will be there forever in my heart…and I am still waiting..

[Some extra information my readers might be interested in: The outline of this story was spun some years back for my best friend under some circumstances...For all those who wish for a different ending, keep coming back to this blog..there is one coming up for you.. :)]

My Experiences with the teeth

I jumped up when I heard the door bell ringing. I was nearing the climax of a detective novel. I threw the book aside and went to answer the door. Now who in the world is this? Her face seemed so familiar , but..then it suddenly dawned on me..”jenny!” I screamed and we hugged each other and we laughed and I invited her in. jenny had changed a lot. She looked so different from how she had when she left school. I just couldn’t point out what made her so different. The same hairstyle, same eyes, nose, beautiful smile..wait a minute! Did I say beautiful smile?? When she was in school she was popular for her so called “Dracula teeth”. Now here she was sitting next to me with shinning white teeth all set in a beautiful straight row. I was green with jealousy as I listened to her boast about the number of boyfriends she had in college. After she left I ran upstairs to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at my features one by one very closely and after about half an hour of close examination from different angles I made a great discovery. I had just then found the answers to all my major problems( which included why I didn’t have a single boy friend when people around me had three or four). My teeth was my problem. Not only were they large, they were “outstanding” too ( by which I mean standing out of my mouth). How could I have not noticed it till now? Why didn’t anyone point it out to me? At least my parents could have given me a hint. As soon my mother reached home I told her about my latest discovery. After giving her an hour’s lecture on the defects of my teeth I came to the point which I had to present before her. I wanted to put braces on my teeth and they have to look perfect before I enter my new course. Though my mother disagreed to the whole matter in the beginning, after a week long strike and satyagraha she finally agreed.

It was then after a day or two that my elder cousin sister decided to stay with me for a month. To my surprise she too had decided to put on braces. And that is how I got to witness the entire series of torture that was awaiting me…

On our way to the dentist she made me sick with her boasting(non-stop). What did she think of herself? She thinks her teeth is her only defect and once that is all put in right order she would look exactly like Aishwarya Rai. I felt like stuffing some cotton into my ears( though easier and soothing would have been into her mouth). An hour of waiting outside the doctor’s cabin almost drove me crazy. And after two long hours we met the doctor. There were two of them. Both had very serious expression on their faces. I had a sudden dislike to one of them. I know why. He closely resembled my maths teacher in school and since he has not gifted me any pleasant memories I couldn’t help hating him. My cousin climbed into a very high seat and the doctor’s poured their head into her mouth. What happened next was a series of incidents that somewhat looked like scenes from a wrestling competition. Hammer, plier, syringes one by one each found its way to my cousins mouth. By now she was screaming loudly. The doctors were trying to pull not one or two but 4 large teeth out of her. They were pulling the teeth as if in the middle of some tug of war. Blood was dripping from her mouth. I felt dizzy and my view was becoming blurred. I ran out of the nearest exit I saw. When I came to my normal state , the cabin door opened and my cousin or I rather say someone who looked like her came out. Honestly speaking she looked uglier than ever. Her mouth was filled with cotton soaked in blood and her makeup was smeared in tears. Her hair looked as if she had received a shock. That day she didn’t eat anything or I better say she couldn’t eat anything for a week. She lived on liquid food. All my irritation towards her slowly melted away. I was filled with sympathy and pity for her though I never knew then that worse was in store for her.

This time I let her go inside the cabin alone. I chose to sit in the waiting room. Why should I scare myself ? I don’t know why but I have always felt a doctor’s cabin isn’t a great place to explore. I chewed through the magazines kept there (twice). I was nearly falling asleep( as usual) when the door clicked open. Then something that looked like an extra territorial emerged from it. I craned my neck to see where my cousin was. “fan-fe-fo?”it said. “ what!” I suddenly realized this so called alien was my cousin. I could hardly make out what she was trying to say. Her face was pale and mouth filled with steel fences that went zig-zag and it was all decorated with colourful rubber bands. She was so tired and weak that she couldn’t even stand straight. I stood there rooted as if I was seeing a ghost image of her or something. By the time we reached home she was running a very high temperature. The doctors prescribed a handful of medicines for her all of which looked like bullets to me. She could barely eat anything. All this worried me so much.

What is teeth for if you can’t eat anything? I don’t think all this pain is worth the result. After she went back to the hostel I re examined my teeth again. May be they stand out a little. May be they are not so perfect or arranged perfectly in a row. May be I wont get to be popular in college. But who cares? My teeth weren’t an issue to me any more. Thus ended my experiences with teeth.

CROSS ROAD

A whole lot of memories rush into my mind as I sit relaxed on my arm chair at this age of 70. it’s a fine evening. I can feel the cool evening breeze brushing past me. I feel contented and happy. When I take a look at my past life I get a feeling of satisfaction of having led a successful one. I have had many ups and downs, sweet and bitter memories and experiences. But I still remember clearly a time when I had stood perplexed and confused not knowing what to do, whom to ask for an advice and what decision to make. It was like standing in front of a crossroad not knowing which way to turn to as I had the least idea where these may lead me to…

It happened many many years back. It was one of those cold winter mornings. I was lying in bed in the company cottage. From my young age itself computers had been a craze for me and so I had passed my software engineering with flying colors. But finding a job was not as easy as I had imagined. Nothing seemed to satisfy me nor the thrill I was looking forward to. I kept changing posts, shifting companies and was never stable at any place. It was then that I received the card telling me that I was selected as a trainee to one of india’s top companies in Bangalore. Of course, it was a big achievement for a boy in his mid twenties to be selected for such a good post. I felt very happy and light inside. Everything around me seemed full of life. Life suddenly felt very beautiful. Every single leaf of the tree, every morning dew on flowers seemed happy. Within one week I left for the garden city.

I was cock-sure about my success during the training period. So with my heart filled with hopes I went to meet the manager. It was then that I came to know that there was one more person competing for the same job. My heart sank when I heard this. I suddenly felt fear curbing me. So, after all things were not going to be easy. I went to the company cottage with a disturbed mind.

Now, almost an entire month was over and my opponent had not yet arrived. He had almost missed a major part of the training period. The fear in be began ebbing out. Suddenly I heard the door bell ringing. I lazily got out of bed and opened the door. A man in mid forties. He was very plainly dressed. He had a suitcase in his hand. He introduced himself as Subramanyan from Kerala. I stood there rooted to the ground. The man in front of me was my opponent or rather, my rival. We were to stay together. Even though he showed interest in talking to me, I never bothered to even look at him. I was treating him as my enemy.

Day by day he was proving himself to be better than me. He looked so dignified in his uniform. Even qualification wise he was one step ahead of me. The competition was becoming tougher. I in all means tried to please the manager and the top management. I submitted my projects with full sincerity. I was really working hard. But as months passed I began getting used to his ways. While I played badminton in the morning he used to get himself occupied with his yoga. I got used to seeing him eating curd and rice every day, doing his pooja and writing long letters home. I liked his way of taking things lightly and his sense of humour. But the thing that I liked most was his beautiful innocent smile coming from the depth of his heart.

Now, there was only one more month left for the training course to get over. The job was almost sure for me as Subramanyan had failed to attend the first one month. I was happy and proud of myself. I was looking forward to the end of the month. One evening as usual subramanyan and me went out for our evening walk. The sky was light red and cool breeze was blowing. My friend was lost in some thoughts I was feeling uneasy and disturbed for no reason at all. After a long period of complete silence he began to speak” why didn’t you ask me about my absence during the first one month?”. I remained silent. I looked at his face. He was looking down. I could feel his heart was throbbing to tell me something. He continued speaking. “ my father had passed away. Being a Brahmin boy, I had to do all the rituals and that occupied me for a whole month. My father had died drowning me in debts. Within two months the bank will take over my house. I really don’t know where I will take my wife and children to. You must be wondering why I am boring you with all my troubles”.

Actually I was. I was feeling pity and sorry for him. But I still didn’t understand why he was telling me this now. We usually never talked about our families and so I knew nothing about him. “if I get this job all my financial problems will come to an end. Now I am really in need of some money. I will never come across a good opportunity like this again. But then… ” his voiced trailed of. Now I clearly understood what he meant. He was looking at me. There was hope in his eyes. But my heart was aching inside me. “please…I know I shouldn’t be asking you this. But please think of the situation I am in. I have no other go. I have a whole family to feed and support. I am nearly begging you..”

That night we had a very silent dinner and that I couldn’t get a wink of sleep. I kept thinking about what he told me. He had really put me in front of a cross road. Subramanyan was badly in need of a job. He needed it more than me. Almost half of his life has been wasted in poverty and tears. This job would gift him a new life. Even ability wise I knew he was better than me. I knew he would do the job sincerely and would lift the company to heights. But still…what about my dreams, my hard work, my pain, my future. i had looked forward to this job so much.why should I sacrifice my dreams for a stranger. And after all who knows if he is saying the truth or not. But what if he was? Then my heart will be filled with guilt and his curse would haunt me for ever. I didn’t even know anyone in this place to ask for an advice.

It was the last day of my training period. That morning I got up early and left for the company. I placed my resignation letter on the manager’s desk. I knew my dreams were all shattered and hopes in vain. I never saw or heard of Subramanyan after that. Luck favoured me and I got a new job. Though not as good as the previous one, I was happy and content. I was so successful in every phase of my life. I never had to regret or look back. May be it was for my own good that I took that decision that day or be it is because I believe there is one innocent man constantly praying for me every day..

[THIS IS JUST A STORY]